Two Strikes...He's Out? (2024)


Black Women Disproportionately @ Risk For Homicide
Feb 23, 2014
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  • Friday at 5:09 AM
  • #8

incogneato said:

I've written about my current relationship a few times on this site and most of the posts have been positive. However, with all his faults, there's one thing I can't tolerate and that's lying about major issues. I can deal with somebody cheating on their girlfriend/wife, taxes, or some minor hookup that was too good to pass up...a long time ago. I'm no angel either and for anyone who gets with me these days, I tell the ugly truth (e.g. stayed in a toxic relationship for years, have mother issues, bastard child, and mental illness/substance abuse runs rampant in my family). I drink/do edibles occasionally.

On the other hand, I'm not bad-looking (though my pear shape and surgery scars can be off-putting), I go to the gym and watch what I eat. People say I have a crazy sense of humor and I'm a good listener. Also, I'm a 2x cancer survivor. I've been dealt some rough hands in my lifetime but somehow manage to move on. Things have been close in the past couple of years since my illness left me a boomerang adult and I didn't know if I'd see my last birthday. However, my doctors say they see long-term progress, so I'm hopeful for a solid future.

I'll try to stay within the guidelines of this section and summarize my problem. My dude is a nice person, can be generous, and listens sometimes. If he wasn't born with behavioral problems, he'd probably be better at listening and making practical decisions. This is part of why he's a serial BD, lives off of SS, and has no goals but to hang with his friends and me.

When I first met him, I thought he was okay to talk to sometimes. After a while, he asked if I was single. Something in my core said to turn him down because when I'd talk to him about my life, I could tell he wasn't paying attention. My ex-fiance jacked my social circle years ago, so I thought a little chit-chat can't hurt.

At first, I thought it was gonna be hit and quit, which is probably what I needed LOL. Where I live, there's very little in between. People think if a person lives at home and doesn't work, they're lazy. I'm disabled but not visibly so and I wanted to go back to work so I could live on my own again. At first, I thought he was one of the few who understood my situation but it turned out that this applies to him.

As I've spent the past year networking my arse off, things are beginning to look up...somewhat. My grandmother is in her last years and gave me the house but two things are wrong. She's a hoarder, the legal stuff isn't final, and she doesn't care for my BF. She's nicer about it than my mother, who's said some pretty rough things that were minor issues that don't affect her. Even though he's helped with some of the cleaning and stuff, they're not happy he's around.

I started a new job yesterday and there are some minuses, like a major cut in pay but the benefits are crazy. Either way, this puts me closer to independence and I wanted to share this life stage with him but his money is short compared to what most roommates pay. I mention getting a part-time job and he changes the subject. It wasn't a major thing at first because where I live, people with bachelor's degrees have it hard but he's been flip-flopping.

The days when he does come truthfully, he scolds me for wanting better. I think of the future when there's no safety net called immediate family, so I'm getting my ducks in a row while I can. Now, if he couldn't understand this concept I'd be okay and just be one of those chicks who willingly takes an L because outside of money, things are decent.

Today, the dealbreaker is lying. He told one lie and got really nasty when I called him out. I know he's ashamed of his past decisions and he's never been a financial burden to me in that area. He said more than once that he would go back to work when I returned, which didn't make sense at the time - or now - but I'm thinking maybe there's some kind of legit hookup for people like him.

As I type out this long account, I'm not upset and knew this day would come. My phone is on the blitz until tomorrow morning so I can't discuss this at length. However, my conclusion is to tell him the truth. While we have fun together, the relationship is gonna stay at dating. No shacking up or beyond. If he lands a sugar momma or someone willing to accommodate his situation permanently, so be it. At one time, I was thinking that it may work because my ex-fiance looked great on paper but had demons and more drama. Every morning that I'm blessed to wake up, I think in terms of everything being a bucket list and a bad marriage ain't it.

He needs to go in that hole where they kick that man on 300. Like this is Sparta.

Throw him in that hole and don't look back.

Block him on everything.

In the age of HIV, casual sëx is just not a good idea

Bravo to you for wanting better for yourself, but you are blocking your blessing by being with Bummy McBummington

Two Strikes...He's Out? (2024)
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